A True Masochist

My own worst enemy,
everything I do
seems merely designed
to put myself in my own way.
To put it proverbially,
I shoot myself in the foot,
more than I hit the target.
Fear of success holds me back.
After all, one cannot reach a dream,
while they kick the ladder out
from under themselves...
Each time I draw close,
it seems a perverse pleasure,
kicking my own ass...
So much potential,
I keep hearing it all around me.
My own saboteur,
ruining all my chances.
So help me, I've put on the collar,
clipped on the leash,
and slammed it in the door,
choking myself trying
to chase what I want most.
Do I fear failure, or success more?
A true masochist,
unable to allow myself
even one moment of joy.
Do I fear the misery, or happiness?
I may never know the truth,
until I step out of my own way,
and allow myself to taste it.